Finding the Right OBGYN: Lessons from My First Pregnancy Experience

When I saw those two pink lines, I had no idea where to start. I’d only ever seen an OBGYN for routine check-ups, never for pregnancy care. I figured the best way to find a provider was to ask around at work—after all, I was in healthcare, and who better to trust than other healthcare professionals? What I didn’t consider was me—what I needed beyond standard prenatal check-ups. Things like my mental well-being, the kind of support I’d want, and even how the office staff made me feel.

A very pregnant mama excitedly and nervously taking a selfie in the mirror

Thankfully, everything turned out okay in the end, but looking back, I realize how much I didn’t know about advocating for myself. I want to share my experience so that other women feel confident choosing a provider that truly fits them, not just someone who worked well for a friend or coworker.

To be clear, the recommendations I got were from people who had great experiences, and there’s nothing wrong with that. But I’ve learned that while recommendations are helpful, they shouldn’t replace trusting your own gut.

I followed all the rules. I showed up to every appointment, took every piece of advice to heart, and did everything I could to have a healthy pregnancy. When I was diagnosed with gestational diabetes, I was incredibly hard on myself. And my provider? She never really reassured me. Instead of acknowledging my efforts or helping me feel empowered, she focused on the tiniest spikes in my blood sugar. Even though I only had a few elevated readings throughout my pregnancy (literally just a couple of points over), I was constantly warned that my baby would be “too big” (spoiler: he was under 7 lbs). Instead of hearing, You’re doing an amazing job managing this, I was met with stress and criticism.

Looking back, that should have been my first red flag. I didn’t realize how much I needed warmth and encouragement from my provider—until I didn’t get it.

I ended up with an unplanned C-section, and while I had mentally prepared for many possibilities, this wasn’t one of them. It was traumatic, and I struggled to process everything that happened. At my six-week follow-up, I opened up about how hard it had been, only to hear my doctor say, "Well, that’s just nature’s way of reminding you that things don’t always go as planned."

Oof.

I wish I had found my voice in that moment and told her: Please don’t dismiss mothers like that. Our feelings and experiences are valid.

Advocating for myself hasn’t always come naturally, but I’m learning. And more than anything, I want to teach my own kids (and other moms!!) to trust themselves and speak up when something doesn’t feel right.

If you’re choosing a provider, of course, check their credentials, their location, and whether they take your insurance. But also pay attention to how they make you feel. What’s the energy of their office? Do they listen to you? Do they respect your concerns? Because you know yourself best, and you deserve a provider who truly supports you—body, mind, and heart.

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Disclaimer: Content provided by mighty mOThers, LLC is informational in intent, and is not meant to replace or contradict guidance provided by your personal doctor, therapist, or other healthcare practitioner. Please contact your healthcare provider or schedule a 1:1 evaluation with an OT with specific concerns, and call 911 if you are having a physical or mental health emergency.